1. Love as Giving and Undergoing: The Paradox Reconciled

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Lecture Notes

Main Topics #

The Central Paradox #

• Apparent Contradiction: Love appears to be both active giving and passive receiving
• The Analogy: The carpenter acts upon the wood (giving shape); the wood receives the shape (undergoing)
• The Question: Is love more like the carpenter (active agent) or the wood (passive recipient)?
• The Resolution Strategy: Both sides contain truth; the paradox must be reconciled rather than choosing one side

Love as Giving #

Characteristics of Giving #

• A gift is “a giving not to be returned or given back” (gratuitous giving)
• Love motivates all gratuitous gifts—we give good things because we love and wish good to others
• Love as the First Gift: The first and primary thing we give to someone we love is our love itself; all other gifts follow from this

The Holy Spirit as Gift (Donum Dei) #

• Thomas Aquinas teaches that the Holy Spirit is called the “Gift of God” because the Holy Spirit proceeds by way of love
• The Holy Spirit proceeds as “the very first gift of all” because love is the root of all gratuitous giving
• This connection between love and giving is fundamental to Christian theology

Evidence from Scripture #

• Matthew’s Our Father: “If you, bad as you are, know how to give good things to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give you good things”
• Luke’s Our Father: Differs by saying the Father will give the “good Spirit” instead of “good things”
• This distinction suggests that the first gift is God’s love (the Holy Spirit); other goods follow
• John 3:16: “God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son”—love precedes and motivates the giving

Love as Undergoing (Passion) #

Terminology #

• Passion (Latin passio): Originally means suffering; extended to mean any reception that changes you; further extended to mean any kind of reception
• Undergoing (Latin pati): More neutral than “suffering,” indicating reception without necessarily implying harm
• The wood undergoes the carpenter’s action; the ear undergoes sound; love involves the heart undergoing transformation

The Wound Imagery #

• Love is repeatedly described as a wound received, not inflicted
• A wound is something received, not given—the lover is wounded by the beloved
• The beloved’s beauty and virtues impress themselves upon the lover’s heart
• The lover’s heart is transformed by the beloved through this impression
• This metaphor emphasizes that loving is being acted upon, not acting

Impression and Form #

• The beloved’s form is impressed upon the lover’s heart
• The lover becomes conformed to the beloved through this impression
• The lover’s affection is entirely filled with and oriented toward the object loved
• This is why we say the beloved has “made an impression” on the lover

Key Arguments #

Why Both Perspectives Are True #

Love as Giving:

• Love motivates gratuitous giving—the lover gives good things to the beloved
• Thomas Aquinas emphasizes that love is “the very first gift”
• The connection between love and giving is evident in how we speak: “I give you my love,” “God gave His Son because He loved the world”

Love as Undergoing:

• The beloved acts upon the lover’s heart through beauty and virtue
• The lover is moved by the beloved, not vice versa
• Love is a passio (passion)—the lover suffers or undergoes transformation
• The beloved draws the lover to itself, like a magnet drawing steel
• The heart of the lover becomes located in and conformed to the beloved

The Paradox of Self-Gift in Love #

• Juliet says: “I gave thee mine before thou didst request it. Yet never know how that desert should be. Yet I would it were to give again.”
• Even though she has given her love, she wishes she could give it again
• She resolves this by noting: “My bounty is as boundless as the sea. The more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.”
• Resolution: Love is infinite in its capacity to give; giving does not diminish what one has

The Distinction Between Lending and Giving #

• Lending: Giving with expectation of return
• Giving: A gratuitous gift with no expectation of return
• Helena loves Bertram but “lends” her love in the sense that she hopes he will return it
• Shakespeare couples the words: “cannot choose but lend and give”
• When lovers hope for reciprocation, they effectively lend their love

Important Definitions #

Love (amor) #

• A passion of the concupiscible appetite (the desiring faculty)
• Involves being acted upon and transformed by the beloved
• Motivates gratuitous giving because the lover wishes good to the beloved
• The affection of the heart conformed to and oriented toward the object loved

Passion (passio) #

• Originally: suffering in the strict sense
• Extended: any reception that changes you
• Further extended: any kind of reception whatsoever
• In philosophy: emotions are called passions because they involve being acted upon

Undergoing (pati) #

• Reception or being acted upon
• More neutral than “suffering,” though can involve suffering
• The wood undergoes the carpenter’s action; the eye undergoes color; the ear undergoes sound
• Love is an undergoing: the heart is acted upon and transformed by the beloved

Gift (donum) #

• A giving not to be returned or given back
• Implies gratuitous giving without expectation of return
• Motivated by love—we give gifts because we wish good to others
• Love itself is the first and primary gift

Impression (impressio) #

• The way the beloved’s form is pressed into the lover’s heart
• The beloved’s beauty and virtue make an impression upon the lover
• Results in the lover’s heart becoming conformed to the beloved

Examples & Illustrations #

From Romeo and Juliet #

• The Garden Scene: After meeting Juliet at the party, Romeo returns to declare his love. Juliet confesses she loves him first and wishes she could give her love again, delighting in the act of giving
• Juliet’s Declaration: “My bounty is as boundless as the sea. My love is deep… The more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.”
• The Mutual Wounding: Romeo and Juliet wound each other at first sight—“Where on a sudden one hath wounded me”
• Romeo on Rosalind: “He jests at scars that never felt a wound”—Romeo has been wounded by unrequited love for Rosalind

From As You Like It #

• Rosalind’s Ocean Metaphor: “Oh, cuz, cuz, cuz, my pretty little cuz, that thou didst know how many fathomed deep I am in love. My affection hath an unknown bottom like the Bay of Portugal.”
• The Wrestling Metaphor: After Orlando defeats the wrestler Charles, Rosalind tells him: “Sir, you have wrestled well and overthrown more than your enemies”—hinting that he has overthrown her heart
• Orlando’s Overthrow: “What passion hangs these weights upon my tongue?"—Orlando is overcome by love and cannot speak to Rosalind
• Celia’s Advice: “Come, come, wrestle with thy affections”—Rosalind must wrestle with her passions
• Silvius’s Wound: “O dear Phoebe, if ever… you meet in some fresh cheek the power of fancy… then shall you know the wounds invisible that love’s keen arrows make”

From Much Ado About Nothing #

• Beatrice and Benedict: When confronted about his love, Benedict says: “I do indeed suffer love, for I love thee against my will”
• Suffering Love: The phrase “suffer love” emphasizes that love is undergoing, not freely chosen giving

From All’s Well That Ends Well #

• Helena’s Confession: “Then I confess, here on my knee before high heaven and in you that before you in an extent to high heaven I love your son”
• Helena’s Dilemma: She loves Bertram, a count, but knows she is beneath his station. She cannot hope for reciprocation
• The Gift Paradox: “Cannot choose but lend and give where she is sure to lose”
• Hopeless Love: Helena recognizes she “loves in vain” because Bertram cannot return her love

From The Taming of the Shrew #

• Lucentio’s Wound: “Trenio, be so, because Lucentio loves, and let me be a slave to achieve that maid whose sudden sight hath thrall’d my wounded eye”
• Supernatural Impression: “She seems to perfume the air”—the beloved’s presence transforms the lover’s perception

From Two Gentlemen of Verona #

• Proteus Wounded: “Love wounded Proteus” appears on his love letters to Julia
• Julia’s Response: Finding the torn letter, Julia says: “Poor wounded name, my bosom shall lodge thee till thy wound be thoroughly healed”

From A Midsummer Night’s Dream #

• Titania’s Passion: “Your wondrous rare description, noble earl, of beauteous Margaret hath astonished me… Her virtues, graced with external gifts, do breed love’s settled passions in my heart”
• The Magnet and Steel Metaphor: Helena says of Demetrius: “You draw me, you hard-hearted adamant, but yet you draw not iron, for my heart is true as steel. Leave your power to draw, and I shall have no power to follow you.”
• Cupid’s Arrow: The image of Cupid shooting arrows represents how love wounds us; the flower is “now purple with love’s wounds”
• Oberon’s Observation: “Yet marked I where the bolt of Cupid fell”

From Anthony and Cleopatra #

• The Magnetic Tie: “Egypt, thou knewest too well my heart was to thy rudder tied by the strings, and thou couldst tow me after… thy full supremacy, thou knewest, and that thy beck might from the bidding of the gods command me”
• Helpless Surrender: Anthony, like Helena, cannot help but follow the beloved, even at great cost

From Midsummer Night’s Dream (The Magic Potion) #

• Titania’s Enchantment: When the magic potion causes Titania to fall in love with Bottom: “I pray thee, gentle mortal, sing again, mine ears much enamored of thy notes. So is mine eye enthralled to thy shape… to swear I love thee”
• Forced Passion: The potion demonstrates that love is something that happens to us, not something we freely choose

Linguistic Observations #

Etymology Revealing Philosophy #

• Frank/Free/Friend: The word “frank” originally meant “free.” There is a connection between freedom and love through the word “friend” (from Old Anglo-Saxon freoogan, meaning to love)
• Fancy: From Greek phantasm (imagination), came to mean love because of the connection between imagination and romantic love; related to how lovers are said to be blind or to have imagination in place of true sight
• Fond: Originally meant “foolish”; came to mean “to like” or “love” because love makes one act foolishly
• Return Your Love: The phrase “return your love” is linguistically interesting—we don’t return the same love; we give our own love in response

Notable Quotes #

“My bounty is as boundless as the sea. My love is deep… The more I give to thee, the more I have, for both are infinite.” — Juliet, Romeo and Juliet

“I gave thee mine before thou didst request it. Yet never know how that desert should be. Yet I would it were to give again.” — Juliet, Romeo and Juliet

“Love is the reason for a gratuitous gift, for we give something gratis to someone because we wish good to him. The first thing then we give to him is the love by which we wish good to him.” — Thomas Aquinas, Summa Theologiae I, Treatise on the Trinity

“Love has the aspect of the very first gift of all.” — Thomas Aquinas

“Love wounded Proteus.” — Two Gentlemen of Verona

“I do indeed suffer love, for I love thee against my will.” — Benedict, Much Ado About Nothing

“Cannot choose but lend and give where she is sure to lose.” — Helena, All’s Well That Ends Well

“There is beggary in the love that can be reckoned.” — Anthony, Anthony and Cleopatra

“Thou, Julia, thou hast metamorphosed me.” — Proteus, Two Gentlemen of Verona

“Her virtues, graced with external gifts, do breed love’s settled passions in my heart.” — The Taming of the Shrew

“Whose sudden sight hath thrall’d my wounded eye.” — Lucentio, The Taming of the Shrew

“The wounds invisible that love’s keen arrows make.” — Silvius, As You Like It

Questions Addressed #

The Central Question #

How can love be both a giving and an undergoing?

• The resolution involves recognizing that both aspects are true
• Love is fundamentally an undergoing—the heart being acted upon and transformed by the beloved
• Love also manifests as giving—the lover gives good things to the beloved because of the love
• The paradox is resolved by understanding that the heart’s transformation by the beloved (undergoing) naturally issues in generous giving

Subsidiary Questions #

1. Is loving like the carpenter (active) or the wood (passive)?

   • Answer: Both. Love is passive in that it involves undergoing the impression of the beloved; love is active in that it motivates giving to the beloved

2. Why do we speak of love as a wound rather than as an action?

   • Because wounds are received, not given; love involves the heart being wounded by the beloved’s beauty and virtue

3. How can Juliet say she gives her love again if she has already given it?

   • Because love is infinite in its capacity to give; the giver’s bounty is boundless like the sea

4. Why is unrequited love called “loving in vain”?

   • Because lovers naturally desire reciprocation; when reciprocation is impossible, the love cannot achieve its natural end

5. Why are lovers compared to magnets and steel, or to ships towed by rudders?

   • These metaphors emphasize that the beloved acts upon the lover, drawing the lover to itself irresistibly

Theological Implications #

• The Holy Spirit’s name as “Gift of God” reveals that love is the root and first expression of all divine giving
• God’s love precedes and motivates all creation and grace
• The distinction between Matthew and Luke’s versions of the Our Father suggests that spiritual gifts (particularly the Holy Spirit) are the primary good God gives
• Love is both divine gift (God’s love for us) and human passion (our undergoing of transformation by the divine)—God loves us by giving, and we love God by undergoing transformation